Rules & Approval: part 1

Posted on August 6, 2007 By OneMysticalMonkey

I believe in interpretations of life and living and spirit from an experiential perspective; That is to say, according to my own experience of things. Like most metaphysicians, beliefs, notions, and standards are taken and examined individually and personally, allowing a personal sorting out and truth to emerge from the process. And with all the years of looking at myself and at the cultural impressions made upon my soul -with all the breaking of the ropes of ‘standard thought’ that has been accomplished- I am still astounded by the social and cultural and emotional spiderwebs which still bind in subtle but important ways.

One of these spiderwebs is the concept of asking permission for our actions, thoughts, even our emotions… and/or seeking approval for decisions we make, things we accomplish, etc. Obviously, there are times when a decision should probably be discussed and decided upon jointly -married couples contemplating a large purchase, for example- but it’s not those kinds of things that is of particular concern. It is the constant cultural undertone which encourages all of us to look for approval and to get the confirmation that you are doing X “correctly” that is of interest. It is the undertone that you are not –can not possibly be– the definitive authority to determine the value of your own actions, accomplishments, decisions or thoughts. It’s the subtle, sneaky unhanded ways that this slips out, despite efforts to be aware of it and to keep it at bay. It is the depth to which we are trained to do this, that is of interest.

This training starts as children. They are told to listen and to obey (without questions), the requests (orders!) of their parents. To question a parent very often gets a child in trouble – frequently it is perceived by the parent as disobedience or as the child being willful. And so the child is punished, and their self-confidence and natural curiosity is undermined… and the training to not ask questions, not to seek actual answers, and to seek external approval for all things is off to an effective start.

Training continues throughout school, in the form of big red marks scribbled on papers and grades posted clearly at the top of quizzes and tests. This concept is further encouraged by the social aspect of school – even at a young age, kids are encouraged (by their peers and even by their parents) to fit in to certain social groupings. Those that do fit in are accepted (and go on to suffer the stress of trying to maintain their peer social status), while those who aren’t accepted are labeled as outcast, unfit for the ideal peer group, ridiculed, subjected to various emotional and psychological abuse and sometimes even assaulted physically, subjected to the stress of not fitting in to some external concept of “normal” or of a chosen group. It is cruel, it is violent, it is heartless. Both these extremes are the unwarranted manifestation of thoughtless actions, of ego, of unexamined cultural ideologies. It is behavior learned (and encouraged!) from the family unit, from society.

Does this sound like a healthy, natural childhood? Is this an effective way to raise responsible, confident, emotionally stable human beings, in touch with their own moralities and realistic estimations of their behaviors and accomplishments?

……… to be continued ………

(Re)Examinations

• ← Inspirational Blogger
• Rules & Approval: part 2 →