The lost art of Communication
Why does it seem nobody can communicate clearly and effectively any longer? Interpersonal communications these days are often marked by misinterpretation of the speaker’s intention, ending in what can sometimes be pretty drastic results! Why is this, though? Is it on the part of the speaker that things get conveyed ineffectively to the audience, or is it the recipient, interpreting things according to his or her own agenda, experience, and ego? I suspect it’s a bit of both, since really everything we do and experience is colored by our own minds, experiences and egos, but what is truly disturbing is the level of acceptance of mediocre communication within our cultures. Sometimes, acceptable levels of communication is not even mediocre – it’s little more than a series of grunts and gestures. Welcome back to the Stone Age, everyone. *Groan*
Could we ever communicate clearly, or has communication between members of our species always been so completely colored by our own egos, the inability or unwillingness to think independently, and the desire to fit in to whatever others of our community are doing? And where does this communicational mess begin? And where does it stop? And why do we tend to have this “mob mentality” to begin with?
Well, really it begins (& ends!) with all of us as individuals, and our our little egos, our own petty wants and desires and expectations. So many of us have been brought up with the “big house, pretty wife, fast car, immediate gratification” idea that we never developed the ability to acknowledge our own true thoughts, wants and needs. And let’s face it, it’s nice to have “things” – and it’s certainly easier to go with the cultural flow than to think independently. But doesn’t make it the right thing to do. And without a certain level of insight into ourselves, into our desires and emotions and the ability to identify our true priorities and values, communicating to those around us can be really hard to do.
So, in order to address our miscommunications between ourselves and others, we must first address the communication that occurs within ourselves. We must decide to consciously listen to our “little voice”, sort through our mental ramblings to find the seed of truth often hidden amongst the chaos, and then examine it, evaluate it, and to finally act upon it. To do this takes a certain level of attention and awareness, persistence, patience, diligence, and what amounts to a brutal honesty with yourself about your thoughts and desires. I warn you now – it’s not always pretty, and it’s not always easy. But, if you persevere, a certain calm often comes with the practice, and because you are more aware of what you want, and who you are, you are in turn more confident about your communications with others. This usually leads to a lot fewer miscommunications – of both the internal and the external sort!
It’s time to come out of the Stone Age.
Peace.
You must belogged in to post a comment.
I was at my daughter’s school today helping the teachers out with a “Teddy Bear’s Picnic” they had organized. The children were all remarkably well behaved for a swarm of 4 year olds as they raced around the park chasing each other, screaming as only 4 year olds can. There was a frantic sense of absolute joy in the moment, completely unfettered and without concern.
Then came lunch time. The children all gathered around the blankets set up for the purpose and were surprised with the treat of a cookie if they desired it (And yes, some actually refused it! Who knew?!). There was a catch though… if they wanted it, they needed to ask for or refuse it politely. One of the teachers would approach each child in turn and wait for the child to ask or decline, then would hand the child the cookie (or not) with comments like “Good asking!” and “Nice words!”
I was pleased to see the children so well mannered, but something bothered me about the whole scene… there seemed to be this look in the kids eyes where they awaited the praise of the teacher. They seemed to need confirmation that they had done well rather then just trusting in themselves that they had.
I know good manners are a must (in fact, that seems to be lacking an aweful lot with too many kids in these newer generations) but I wonder how much of the mob mentality begins here, in the early years, where good “social” manners are encouraged to the point that children’s delicate individualities are forced into hidding?
Quite honestly, I know that I will do my best to squelch disrespectful behavior, making sure my daughter learns the meaning and importance of respecting other people (even her baby brother). But I’m sometimes worried that in the process I might be adding to the internal turmoil she may experience between what she must really feel and what I’m informing her is or isn’t acceptable behavior. She’s young and just learning to express herself, so the inclination to react is much, much stronger then her ability to state how she’s feeling.
Thank you for reminding me and reinforcing in my mind the absolute need to treat her reactions gently. It’s a lesson that I once knew, and in the shuffle of ignoring my own inner voice, have managed to forget. Perhaps I can turn the tide of frustration we’ve been experiencing… my daughter for not knowing how to get her point across and myself for not understanding her. And it’s something I’d like to change now before she gets to that age when she might feel she just can’t approach me when she might need to the most.
Barb.
Yes – and thank you for sharing your story!
I find that much of our world revolves around an unthinking mob mentality and that much of it is geared towards getting the “approval” from somebody -anybody- else: parents, teachers, peers, employers, whomever! We have been conditioned from an early age to seek that external approval rather than trust ourselves. Even if you finally manage to realize that social conditioning and the effect it has, it can be hard to truly overcome – we find ourselves conditioning our children in the same way we have been conditioned despite our best efforts to actually teach them and listen to them and encourage them to grow and communicate the way that they are best able. But that is our well-conditioned egos sneaking back into our lives, affecting our children and in turn conditioning them for the same kind of approval responses from us… It’s a vicious cycle.
I am glad to have provided a reminder and hope your frustrations with your daughter ease. Namaste!
I’m a big fan of the “little voices” as well. I truly believe that those little voices are telling us big things!
One thing that I think contributes to the “lost art” of communication is that there seems to be a social pressure to sound bite our lives. Everything, every idea, or thought should be distilled down to a single bullet point or short post.
This is counterintuitive to me because I think it takes time and a lot of back and forth between individuals before one can really, truly begin to understand what the other is trying to communicate. It takes time to learn about a subject matter, internalize it and then, through practice and/or discussion, we can begin understand it.
Very interesting post! Thank you.
Yes, BabyWhisperingLoudly – very good point! Thank you for sharing it.
To truly communicate takes time and effort and interaction – three things that seem to be in short supply in this fast-paced world of ours. It’s unfortunate that we must “shut down” our hearts (our compassion & consequently our relationships) in order to keep up the fast pace and “live” in the world. It’s hard to hear the “little voice” of truth, trust and true living when we’re so busy moving and “doing”… we forget to “be” and in so doing, so much of “living” is lost in the process.
*Om*