*poof*
Certain aspects of my reality have recently had their illusions shattered. A couple things that have somehow retained a level of vestigial personal belief during the walking of the path so far have been shown for the illusion they are. The rug has been pulled, so to speak and it’s a bit disorienting to suddenly and unceremoniously find yourself sprawled on your rear when you weren’t even thinking about standing on the rug at all! (Evidently, some work needs to be done to improve my mindfulness practice too!) The experience has been humbling in the truest sense of the word. Vacillating between stunned awareness / acceptance and a very human/ego disbelief, I have found myself suddenly looking for something concrete to hold on to. Suddenly and atypically, I’m looking for definitions and labels and associations and … something to define myself with… something to feel part of the consensus reality again. Apparently ego’s “I meant to do that” tactic just isn’t working!
The labels and associations of this egotistical reaction, the ‘fitting in’ to (or believing in) consensus reality, just don’t matter though and I’ve consciously gone against discovering or using them. They serve no purpose other than to comfort ego and to confuse one’s perception of reality. To fully accept this change in perception -in reference point- takes acceptance, and a bit of faith… and determination, to be honest. Ego is determined to reassert itself and to latch on to some thing it has believed in or, in the absence of that, to adhere itself to something else to fill that void of belief instead.
And in typical “reminder style” from realms spiritual, I find the following words when the current chapter of an on-and-off-read book Shambhala: The Sacred Path of the Warrior byt Chogyam Trungpa is opened:
“The [spiritual] warrior, fundamentally, is someone who is not afraid of space. The coward lives in constant terror of space. … Cowardice is turning the unconditional into a situation of fear by inventing reference points, or conditions, of all kinds. But for the warrior, unconditionality does not have to be conditioned or limited. It does not have to be qualified as either positive or negative, but it can be just neutral – as it is.”
And so, I am encouraged further to simply BE, as best as I can be, occasionally swatting ego away as it attempts to latch on to some new illusion or remnants of the old. For it is truly that through letting go of our illusions -all of them – that we become aware of our true nature.
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